The Legand of Idiots
by KirbyWarrior655
Summary: What happens when you put two best friends, one who is *ahem* an idiot, and one who has ADHD, and put them in the wind waker game? Probably nothing good… Rated T for a lot of swearing, not to many F bombs, random references, violence, blood and gore, some suggestive jokes, and mild romantic jokes as well. Maybe OCxOC I'm not sure yet.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer- I do not own Link, or anything in relation to the Legend of Zelda, or any references made, I only own my OC's and jokes I make

Summary- What happens when you put two best friends, one sword crazy and the other with massive ADHD, and put them in the wind waker game? Probably nothing good…

A/N- So here is the prologue of this hopefully funny and enjoyable fan fiction! Here we meet the two main characters (my two OC's), this story follows the wind waker game, but I'm not to sure if it will closely follow, or loosely follow yet.

A/N- Just for clarification Joann was supposed to be pronounced (Jo-ann)

* * *

Prologue-

"Hey Pat, Pat! Wake up!" Pat woke up to see Joann had barged into his house, again.

_Pat was a boy of six feet, with short blond hair, he was wearing a blue shirt and orange pants._

"Joann, there is such a thing as knocking."

_Joann was a girl of around five foot nine, with long black hair that was covering her left eye. She was wearing a light blue dress and a black hoodie._

"No, that makes too much sense. We walk in, rob you of all your pots and jewelry, and then walk out, the pots and jewelry respawn sometime later anyways, that's just a routine way to greet someone remember?" Joann said as she walked in.

"I guess, but what's up?"

"Did you perhaps forget what day today is?" She smiled.

"What day is today?" Joann instantly looked kind of sad.

"How could you forget?"

"Sorry, I just don't remember what I don't remember."

"It's my birthday."

At this Pat's face went pale.

"Shit, right, sorry I forgot."

"Clearly you forgot, so, you got any plans today?" Joann instantly looked happy again, Pat then remembered how crazy her moods can swing at times.

"No, come on, we can get you those sword fighting lessons you always wanted." Joann laughed.

"You are the one who wanted them remember?"

"Oh, right…"

"But come on, I wanna see how funny it will look."

_As Joann and Pat walked out of Pat's house they saw something that surprised Pat, but kind of scared Joann. This huge ass bird flew out from nowhere holding this random girl and flew over the island they lived on. "Fire!" They turned around to see a pirate ship shoot down the bird and the girl went falling into a forest on the top of this mountain that was at the edge of the island._

"What the hell was that thing?" Joann asked.

"No idea, did you see that girl the bird was carrying?"

"Yeah, hey Pat, you should go to you sword training thing, I'll meet you in a bit." Joann walked off towards an old lady who was waving over to her as Pat opened the door to the islands master swordsman's building. "Maybe Pat could use this sword training to possibly help save that girl." Joann thought to herself as she walked up to the old lady that was waving to her before.

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A/N- Yeah I know, this is a bit short, but the first chapter will be posted tomorrow! Please review it would help me a lot! Also fav and follow if you like it, thanks!


	2. The town's new heroes

Disclaimer- I do not own Link, or anything in relation to the Legend of Zelda, or any references made, I only own my OC's and jokes I make

Summary- What happens when you put two best friends, one sword crazy and the other with massive ADHD, and put them in the wind waker game? Probably nothing good…

A/N- This chapter really starts it off, from the giant bird to smart mouthed Tetra

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Chapter 1- The town's new heroes

**Joann's POV**

"Hey ma'am, what's up?" I asked.

"Did you just see that bird?" She asked.

"Yes, I have no idea what it was doing here, but these pirates were ironically nice enough to keep it off our backs. I wonder if they are on more than rum."

"It's also your birthday am I correct?"

"Oh come on! Pat doesn't remember when an old lady does!?" I shouted.

"Well, I think I know of a present that you would love. Come on in." The old lady said. Joann walked into the house.

"Hey where is your grand daughter?" I asked.

"She's playing with the seagulls, the present I have is upstairs."

"Okay then." I climbed up a latter until I saw a strange, but cool outfit. Two wooden swords forming an X shaped fashion with a shield in the middle of them.

"So, what is it?" I asked. I turned around to see the old lady had a bow, it looked fancy, and had some rupees incrusted into it.

"Ohhhhh, shiny." I said, reaching for the bow.

"It's yours to keep, along with this quiver and arrows."

"Oh sweet, thanks!" I said as I took the equipment she gave me.

"The town is going to have a feast to celebrate as well, as for me I'll make the soup that you and the other kids like so much."

"That sounds great, okay see you tonight then." I said as I walked out of the house. I looked to see Pat was walking out of the swordsman's building, with a sword in hand.

"Hey, I see you have a sword." I said as I walked up.

"What's with the bow and such?" Pat asked.

"The old lady gave it to me for my birthday, the rupees in it makes it more fancy and awesome."

"Indeed, now what do you wanna do?" I looked over to the mountain.

"We should check to see if that girl is okay."

"What about Orca? He's the swordsman of the village why don't we just tell him about it?"

"He's old, it would be better if we went, anyways I thought you out of anyone wouldn't mind beating the crap out of some moblins or whatever they were called."

"I wouldn't, I would love to! But are they even in the forest?"

"I have no idea, let's find out."

We started walking up a pathway that leads to the mountain forest, but it was blocked by some trees. I tried to push them, but they didn't move.

"Joann, why would you try and PUSH the trees out of the way? Those are planted into the ground you wouldn't be able to push them." I just realized how dumb this looks.

"I knew that!"

"No you didn't."

"Shut up."

Pat chuckled. "Stand back, I've got this handled." I stepped back and Pat cut the trees down with his sword.

"How can swords cut down trees in one slash? I thought you needed an axe or something."

"No, this is Zelda logic, an imp could wield a huge sword easily two times the size of him."

"Right, come on we can't just stand here!" I said as I ran off.

"Hey Joann wait up!" I heard Pat yell, he was probably chasing after me. I stopped in front of a caves entrance and turned around to see Pat was being a total derp as he normally is. He tripped on his own feet and fell off the bridge and into the shore under us.

"Took you long enough." I said jokingly as Pat walked up, soaking wet and not looking exactly amused.

"Well, I'm surprised you waited for me, you normally run off."

"Well, if those Moblin things show up all I have is a bow. I would need someone to hide behind- I mean fight alone side with if I could stand a chance against them."

"Oh I see how it is Joann, I'm just your meat shield? Come on gurl, I thought we were closer than that." Pat said jokingly, I laughed. "Come on, we need to save that girl and get rid of that bird, if it fell into the forest that is." I said as I walked into the entrance to the cave, it appeared to be the entrance to the forest. "Hold on, you should let me go ahead of you." Pat said as he stood in front of me, sword at the ready.

**Pat's POV**

"Why do you need to go ahead of me?" Joann asked.

"The swordsman taught me something before he gave me my sword."

"What is that? Not to kill everything that moves?"

"… The swordsman taught me TWO things before I got my sword."

"How to actually use the sword?"

"… The swordsman taught me THREE things before I got my sword!" I was getting kind of annoyed. Though I know Joann is only kidding around with me.

"Uhhhh, not to punch Joann in the face when you are pissed off?"

"No, I taught myself that."

"Oh thank Din! Okay, what was this third thing?"

"The code of chivalry."

"Are you seriously going to uphold that? I thought you would say fuck it and beat up everything in sight."

"No, I will uphold the code of Chivalry with you. You are basically the only exception, you, and villagers or townsfolk."

"What is that anyways?"

"Basically in this situation by the code I am supposed to protect you with my life."

"Why it is because I am the freakin chick or something?"

"Well, I wouldn't put it that way, you see it's more of a-"

"Pat."

"Yeah?"

"I hope I don't sound rude, but you know I have ADHD big time, please summarize. You remember what happened last time you didn't?"

"... Right. Alright, it's because you are, well, okay, the chick, and the archer. Archers are better protected and safe, not directly in the fray, like you said before I am basically your meat shield." "I was only joking, not really… alright then, let's go." I walked ahead, assuming Joann was behind me.

**Joann's POV**

I walked behind Pat was we walked into the forest. I looked around.

"Hey Pat, look up there, I found the girl!" I was looking up at a tree. The girl was on one of the branches. She was hanging from her vest, which was not zipped up, thank god, she would have choked to death had it been zipped up.

"Okay, we should venture deeper into this forest, so we can get to this girl." Pat said.

"What makes you think that will lead us to her?"

"Simple, all aspiring adventurers know the real goodies are at the end of the dungeon, the forest for the time being."

"Oh, okay then." I continued to walk behind Pat. For some reason he was attacking every piece of grass we walked by. But some of them gave us green rupees, and some blue. Those are my favorite colors. Pat gave them to me when he picked them up, I don't know if he was trying to be sweet, or just because of the pure fact that those are my favorite colors, and they are shiny, and they do sparkle. I'm guessing it's really because I had a purse with me that I store my rupee in. Eventually we walked up to a ledge that was too high for me to jump up to. I would climb, but I'm not exactly the strongest person around.

"Hold on, Pat could you help me up?" I asked as Pat hoisted himself up.

"Sure, grab my hand." I grabbed his hand and he literally pulled me up by himself.

"Okay thanks." We continued walking until we saw a few moblins looking at us. "Those are moblins right?"

"No, they are Bokoblins, be careful Joann."

"Why they don't even any weapons, I mean I could very well just beat them to death with my bow. Though being careful is not a bad thing, you should be careful to Pat."

"Charge!"

"For the love of Farore… okay whatever." I said as I pulled out my bow. To be honest with you I used to be great with a bow, but I have no idea if I am anymore. I pulled out an arrow and aimed at one of the Bokoblins. I let go of the string and the Bokoblin got shot in the head. I looked to see that Pat kind of had the rest taken care of. I looked up to see two birds carrying to more of those Bokoblin things. I took out one of the birds and Pat killed the Bokoblin as it fell. The last remaining talked in Enemoblin, a language those moblins and other foes talk in, then fly off.

"What did they say?" Pat asked. Luckily I spoke Enemoblin.

"The bird said, hey, now that I think about it, I think I left my nest unlocked. Then the Bokoblin replied with, yeah, I also left my water running back home. Then they left." Both of us paused for a moment.

"Did you know that Kargoroks, those birds, locked their nests?"

"I had no idea." I said before we continued to walk down the pathway. We walked down until we reached a dead end, the tree could not be reached that easily.

"Come on Pat, give me a boost up." I said.

"How should I do that? Lift your ass up there?"

"I would prefer you lift some other part of me, but yes, lift me up to this ledge so I can try and wake up or catch this girl if she falls."

"The shit I have to put up with."

"Oh, I feel so sorry for you Pat." I said sarcastically as he lifted me to the ledge I was trying to get up to.

"Hey, wake up." I called up to the girl, she did not wake up.

"Maybe you should try speaking louder Joann." I continued to call up to her, but the girl didn't wake up.

"For the love of Nayru girl if you don't wake up I swear to Din that I will scream."

"Oh no, Joann the last time you full on screamed I thought I was going deaf."

"Then close your ears, because I will scream if I have to." I looked up to see the girl had woken up.

"Well finally someone decided to stop snoozing on their lazy ass, hey by the way you are dangling about fifteen feet in the air. I would be careful if I were you." I said, but of course, this girl panicked like crazy. She managed to free herself, but she started to fall. I ran forward to try and catch her, but in the end she just landed on me.

"Freaken stupid girl, did I say flop around like a fish until you plummet down to your death?" I was annoyed, but thankfully she got off of me before Pat saw. Knowing him he would have put some perverted comment into this situation, those are probably the only kinds of jokes that Pat commonly uses that I do not appreciate.

The girl looked at me as I got up. She seemed to be studying my outfit.

"What's with that get up? How did you even get this far without worrying about dirtying that dress of yours? I'm surprised you aren't wearing makeup to." She said mockingly. I looked back at her, thinking of something to say back.

"Well isn't this sad, a pirate who not only is washed ashore, but whose crew actually help the villagers with their giant bird problem. Don't you think you and your crew are kind of slacking off a bit?" Well that did it, she looked pissed. I saw her reach for her dagger. I jumped off the ledge and hid behind Pat. Pat took out his sword and guarded me.

"You mess with her lady you talk to my blade." He said. The three of us looked at one another for a bit, studying movements. But then we heard a different voice coming from the entrance.

"Miss Tetra!"

I looked to see a man running towards us.

"Miss Tetra are you alright?" He asked as he ran up to us. The girl, Tetra, looked at us for a second, then looked back at him.

"Yeah Gonzo, come on let's get out here."

"But, what about this boy, and this girl?"

"Leave those love birds behind, maybe they will make out while we are gone." Okay, I know my retort was kind of a low blow, but this Tetra took it too far.

I wanted to beat the crap out of her, but Pat stopped me.

"Come on, we should get going as well, we saved this girl and now have the whole day to do whatever you want, it's your birthday after all." I sighed.

"Okay, come on I know for a fact I do not want to stay here."

"Aie aie!" We both walked out.

"Hey Joann!" I looked to see Aryll, the old ladies granddaughter, waving over to me.

"Hey Aryll!" I called over. She started running towards me.

I smiled and waved to her, but in a blink of an eye she was being taken away by the giant bird that once held Tetra prisoner.

"What the hell!? We have to stop it!" I pulled out my bow and started to fire my arrows off towards the bird.

"Stupid kid!" I looked to see Tetra and Gonzo was trying to pull up Pat.

"Pat what did you do?" I asked when Tetra and Gonzo pulled him up.

"You're stupid friend charged off the cliff and almost plummeted to the ocean!"

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time he did that." Tetra looked speechless.

"Come on Pat we need to tell the old lady!" I said.

"Hold on, are you pirates going to leave anytime soon?"

"Well, if you want us to we really have no reason to stay here."

"No, I mean would you mind giving us a ride to chase that bird?" The four of us walked back up to the beach, in front of their ship.

"What!? You two want us to chase after that bird for you!? No way, why should we?"

"Because that girl got captured." I said, I was starting to dislike this girl even more then I already did.

"Why should we help this girl? It's your problem and I bet this island has a boat you could use."

"Because it is your fault the girl got captured to start off with." I looked to see a mail man, er, bird man, landed down next to us.

Honestly I zoned out but from what I heard the bird-man was scolding the crap out of Tetra and Gonzo, serves them right.

"Okay okay geez, we will help out these two. But do you two honestly think you are going to the forsaken fortress the way you are now?" Me and Pat looked at each other.

"What's wrong with us right now?" We both asked.

"Look at you boy, you have a sword yes, but you should at least have a shield with you! As for you, girl, you have a bow and still have some arrows, you should be fine. But we are not going anywhere before your friend here gets a shield."

"Where could we find a shield in this town?" Pat asked me.

"Come on the old lady had a shield in her house. We need to tell her about her granddaughter as it is anyways."

"Alright then." We both walked off towards the old ladies house. I was worried about how she was going to take this news, if she already didn't know that is.


	3. The Forsaken Fortress

Disclaimer- I do not own Link, or anything in relation to the Legend of Zelda, or any references made, I only own my OC's and jokes I make

Summary- What happens when you put two best friends, one sword crazy and the other with massive ADHD, and put them in the wind waker game? Probably nothing good…

A/N- This chapter has our first non Zelda reference of this story, also I guess a bit more of Joann and Pat's relationship

* * *

Chapter 2- The Forsaken Fortress

**Joann's POV**

"Hey ma'am, ma'am?" We walked into her home to see that the old lady was nowhere in sight.

"What should we do?" Pat asked.

"We should at least take the shield and leave a note saying we are going to borrow it for a bit." We climbed up the later to see that the shield was gone.

"What happened to it, shields do not just disappear."

"I don't know, come on the swordsman, Orca, might have one I can use."

We climbed back down but the old lady was blocking the door, shield in hand, she also had the cool looking outfit.

"Where you looking for this?"

"Oh, uh, yeah. Sorry about not asking for your permission ma'am." I looked at the floor, embarrassed.

"You should take it with you. Also, Pat wear this, I have a feeling it will help you later on in the journey, anyways it's the clothes of the hero of time, and I know how much you want to be a hero." I looked up to see she was smiling a faint, but noticeable smile.

"Dun dun dun dun!" Pat shouted that all too familiar jingle as he took the shield and held it in the air, as if he was presenting it to the goddesses or something.

We both looked back to the old lady.

"Both of you, be careful, and bring back my granddaughter. What kind of monster would steal a young girl like her?"

"The kind of monster who deserves a good thrashing, and we will provide it for this giant bird. But don't worry ma'am we will bring her back quicker than you can say moblin."

"Moblin."

"… Well, I didn't mean literally."

"Just be safe."

"Don't worry, we will." Me and Pat walked out of the house after Pat changed and we walked back to the ship.

"Hey, we got the shield now." I showed Tetra the shield.

"Wow look at this hunk of junk, where did you get this thing, the antique shop? Well I guess that's where your boyfriend found his outfit. Speaking of I expected you would change into something more fit for fighting, or get some make up." She smirked at me, I kept my cool.

"But, whatever, come on I am not staying here all day."

Once we got on the ship Gonzo rung a giant gong and the sails were lowered. I walked to the back to see everyone on the island.

"Bye everyone, we'll be back some time soon!" I called to them. I saw that the old lady walk out of her house.

"We'll get your granddaughter, don't worry!" I yelled over to her and waved.

"I wonder, how much longer this is going to last?" I looked behind me to see Tetra was talking to Pat.

"Are you sure you don't want to leave? We can turn back right now you know."

"No, why do you ask?"

"I can tell your girlfriend here will only get more sentimental from here on out, and I would rather not have to deal with that."

"I am not his girlfriend, just his best friend." Though I guess it wasn't helping that I was blushing.

"That's not the best cover up you know. Well, whatever, your love interests are not my problem. You two should go to the bottom of the deck. Nikko wanted to see you two."

"Okay, let's go."

I walked down the ship with Pat, I was a little bit annoyed with him. In the end I was just mad with Tetra, and took it out on Pat.

"Why didn't you help me right here?" I asked.

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell Tetra we are not going out?"

"Well, I thought you had it handled."

"You normally help me out even when I have something handled though."

"Well, honestly I wasn't thinking about it."

"Why not?"

"Well, I don't know."

"Pat I clearly didn't have that handled, don't you know me enough by now to know I did not have that handled?"

"Sounds like couple trouble." I looked to see Gonzo was laughing at us.

Before he or Pat knew it I had him shouting on the ground with Pat's sword right on his head, I didn't stab him, but I let him know I would.

"Hey, what are you doing!?" I got off to see Tetra was glaring at me.

"Your buddy here, Gonzo, decided to anger me, that's all." I said as I gave Pat back his sword, still giving Gonzo a death glare.

"Just words to the wise, never piss off Joann like that, ever again. I think you are the only one who she ever spared without doing something horribly violent to you." I heard Pat say to Gonzo.

"I'll make sure of that, it was my bad Miss Tetra." Tetra looked annoyed at him.

"Well don't anger her again then." Pat held my arm and led me down to the lower deck.

"Sorry." I said to him, I think he was kind of annoyed with me, well it would explain why he's grip was kind of tight. I wouldn't blame him, I did kind of lose my temper right there, and probably about pestering him before.

"Huh, about what?"

"I don't know, losing my temper right there I guess."

"Hey don't worry about it, Gonzo was asking for it, after all we both know provoking you was, is, and always will be a bad idea."

We both walked down to the lowest part of the ship.

"Hey here me swabbies, you be the lowest people of our pirate ship. Now if you be,"

"Do you speak English!?" I shouted, startling both Pat and Nikko in the process, man I love doing that.

"Okay okay sheesh, if you make it to the end of this obstacle I will give you a prize, just push the big button over there to start it."

I walked over to the button and tried to push it into the ground, and of course, I didn't even make it budge.

"Hold on, let me." I stepped back and Pat pushed down, the thing budged a little.

"Wow that thing is strong." Pat said surprised, but I just got an idea.

"I need some more weight." I was looking down, I realized I might not be heavy enough for my idea to work.

"But I like your body the way it is."

"What!?" I then gave Pat a slap so hard that the noise created could have been heard from at least a mile away, and if not then Pat's shout would be heard that far.

"Pat, you are a creep!"

"Oh, you didn't mean it like that... I think? What exactly did you mean?" Pat was rubbing his cheek, where I slapped him.

"I need to gain some temporary weight, can you give me that sword and shield?" Pat handed over his sword and shield. I put it over my right shoulder like Pat did.

"Why do you need some more weight anyways?"

"Simple" I sat on the button and like I expected it went sinking into the ground. I looked to see several platforms leaded to the end, which was where the treasure was at.

"There we go, about time." Nikko said as he simply jumped on the platforms to the end.

"Now, you two will need to use these ropes to get from platform to platform, unless if you can jump as far as I can."

"Challenge accepted!" Pat shouted as he ran and jumped onto the first platform. He tried to jump to the second one, but he slammed right into the side of the platform and fell onto the floor.

"Pat, are you okay?" I asked as he walked up.

"I'm fine, don't worry."

"Okay, but you should be more cautious."

"You suck swabbie by the time you're done a whole year would have went by."

"Challenge accepted!"

"For the love of Farore, Pat just because he challenged you doesn't mean you freaking accept it!"

"I am following my stereotype Joann I have to do this!"

"What stereotype are you following?"

"White guys cannot resist a dare or challenge!" Pat said as he yet again hit the side of the second platform.

For the next half an hour I was watching Pat constantly failing at the same platform, in the same way to. Finally he got to the third platform, only to fall on the forth one.

"Okay, this is impossible." Pat said as he climbed up the latter once again.

"No it's not, here, sit on the switch for me, and hold my shit please."

"Okay."

I gave Pat back his stuff and gave him my bow and purse. I studied the pathway for a bit, it was a zigzag fashion so losing speed as definitely a problem.

I started to run, like Pat I ignored the ropes, though they would be nice to use I wanted to show him how easy this could be. Of course I jumped farther than Pat, I was lighter anyways. I landed on the second platform and did not fall, this was going to be easier than I thought.

"Whoa, you actually made it?" Nikko asked me as I landed in front of him.

"Duh, that was easy."

"Show off." Pat called over to me.

"Okay then, uh, come on in for your prize." I walked into the back and opened a treasure chest, I got some kind of bag.

"What is this?"

"The spoils bag, it will hold misc items that you won't exactly need on your journey."

"Do I HAVE to put misc items in this?"

"Yes, that is what it is used for."

"So what would happen if I tried to store it with rupees?"

"It would spit them back out."

"I thought it was a bag not a mouth."

"It is, but it will not accept rupees or anything but misc items."

"What allows it to know?"

"It's sensors."

"So it is an android?"

"No, it's a bag!"

"Now I'm confused."

"You know what, go back up and talk to Tetra, she wants to speak with you anyways."

"How would you know?"

"It's a plot devise just go with it."

"What? Uh, okay then." I jumped down and climbed the latter. I walked up to Pat, who gave me my bow and my purse.

We then walked up to the deck again. "Hey you two, come up here!" We looked up to see Tetra was on the crow's nest. No, not that giant bird's nest, the crow's nest, you know, the one of a pirate ship?

Anyways me and Pat climbed to the top.

"Look over there, that's the forsaken fortress."

I am not going to lie. This place looks kind of scary.

"Okay, so why didn't we go any closer." I asked.

"Well that's obvious, we would have been spotted." Pat said.

"Oh, right, then how are we getting there then?" I turned around to see Tetra was smiling somewhat sinisterly at me and Pat.

"I know what we could do." I few moments later I wonder why I allowed Pat to make the decisions.

"Tetra, you get me out of this barrel right now, or else I swear to Din that when I get out I will, uh, I'm even sure what I will do yet! But I assure you it will be rash!"

"Joann calm down will you? Don't worry we are pros launching this. Now sit back and relax, because we are about to launch you and Pat." I waited half a second before she launched me and Pat.

We both went spinning into the air and I'm not sure about Pat, but I slammed into the wall, I'm surprised I didn't break anything. I fell again right after being plastered into the wall. I looked to quickly see Pat land in the water, good for him. I landed on the ground next to where he landed.

"Oooouuuccchhh." I said as I got up.

"Shit, Joann are you okay?"

"I should be fine." I said as I reached for my bow, but it was not there."

"Pat, do you have your sword?" I looked as Pat reached for it.

"No, it's gone."

"I lost my bow as well."

"Great, just great."

"Hey you two, it's me, Tetra." Pat jumped, but then took out this small glowing rock. Tetra's voice was coming out of it.

"Tetra how are you a talking, glowing rock?" Pat asked. I had to insert a nice face palm right there.

"Never mind him Tetra, this plan of yours better come with good life insurance, because we just lost our bow and sword."

"Shoot, I must have been off by a few inches."

"I thought you said you where pros at this!"

"We are, but even pros have mistakes."

"Din I fear for whoever is not a pro then."

"Whatever, just get to the top again and get your weapons."

"Can do I guess." I walked up the stair and within one second a spotlight had me in its sights. Then a giant blue beast came out of nowhere and knocked me out with its huge spear.

**Pat's POV**

"But you two need to watch out for the search lights."

"You don't say Tetra, if you said that sooner Joann would not have been spotted."

"Well now you know, you need to help her somehow."

"The moblin kind of dragged her off."

"Shit, well if I would risk a guess it must have put her in the fortresses prison, you need to rescue her."

"I was already planning on it, where is the prison?

"No idea, I'm guessing the lower floors of the fortress, get going." I put the rock back into his pocket. First I had to save Tetra, now I have to save Joann? Now I know what heroes go though every day. Though this time it was different, Joann is my best friend, and I am not letting any of these moblins lay any more hands on her if I can help it.

But just then I realized I need to hide in something, so I walked over to some barrels nearby and picked one up, it conveniently had a hallow bottom.

"IT'S THE BARRELS!" I heard someone shout as I lifted it. I couldn't think of what do to so I panicked and hid under it.

"I KNEW IT, FUCKING BARRELS!" Some crazy man was shouting at the barrel I was hiding in and then kicked it.

"Pewdie run!" I heard some other crazy man shout, then I heard some girly screaming.

"Okay Stephano!" I heard some strange noise and then all was silent.

"What in the name of Nayru what that all about?" I asked myself, well, it didn't matter. Joann was still missing, and I was going to find her.

**Joann's POV**

When I woke up I looked to see I was in a jail cell.

"Oh, great." I said sarcastically as I got up.

I fell back down onto the bed I woke up in, my body was killing me, it had to be the harsh landing or something, because my entire body ached.

I got back up and walked over to the strangely wooden bars to see a Bokoblin was guarding my cell, though it was sleeping at the moment. I looked out of this prison of a room to see two moblins were guarding/blocking the pathway, I was being heavily guarded that's for sure. I had to find to find a way to get out of here, and fast. I didn't want Pat to do something really stupid while trying to save me, he could get seriously injured, or even dead, if he goes all out, which I know he will do.

I was kind of panicking, I couldn't really move right now as it is without my whole body responding with discomfort or pain, so how was I going to even walk out of here? But, I had an idea that might work.

"Hey, Mr. Bokoblin, wake up." I said in Enemoblin, he woke up.

"What do you want girl?" He asked me.

"Well, did you know big blue and ugly out there said a lot of bad things about you're kind?" I thankfully go this attention.

"What did Bobby say about me?"

"Bobby? Well, he said that Bokoblins are stupid monsters with little to no intelligence they also suck ass at fighting and would never amount to anything. You guys don't even have the big and awesome spears we moblins have that can knock out common folk in one or two hits." The Bokoblin looked furious.

"I am not lesser then you Bobby! Big stick!? COMPENSATION!" The Bokoblin took out a huge machete and charged at the moblins.

After a few minutes I saw only one moblin run in, the Bokoblin was as tough as I expected, I only forgot that there was two moblins, not only one.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in Enemoblin.

"Guarding your cell girl, you're not going to escape on my watch." So this moblin actually had a processing brain, things could get interesting. I walked back to the bed and sat down, I might as well not stand, it hurts when I do anyways. I decided to inspect my cell a bit more. Maybe something could help me get out of here.

I looked to my left to see there was a bookshelf. There was also a table in front of it. But something was interesting. There was a big hole in the wall right on top of the bookshelf. If I could find a way to distract this guard I could use that to escape this cell, but the question is, how?

I felt a cold breeze blow in. I just realized something, I didn't have my hoodie. I looked outside to see the moblin was curiously looking at it.

"This jail cell is cold." I said, hinting for the numskull to give me back my hoodie.

"Well you better get used to it, because you are staying here for a while." I was annoyed now, this bloke was worse than Pat when it comes to hints, and that's bad enough already.

"How long are you holding me here?"

"Until my boss instructs me to bring you to him, we need your friend first."

"So what means I'm just bait right?"

"No, girl, the boss wants you to, now shut up before I have to knock you out." The Moblin said as it sat down outside, watching my every move. I was curious, who is this boss of his?


	4. Ganondorf

Disclaimer- I do not own Link, or anything in relation to the Legend of Zelda, or any references made, I only own my OC's and jokes I make

Summary- What happens when you put two best friends, one sword crazy and the other with massive ADHD, and put them in the wind waker game? Probably nothing good…

A/N- Just a note, this story is strange! Just in a good way (I think so anyways)

* * *

Chapter 3- Ganondorf

**Joann's POV**

I must have spent a good hour in this cell, I couldn't find a way to distract this moblin no matter what I've tried. This thing actually was pretty smart. I honestly was starting to give up on ideas, until I got really desperate and had a stupid idea.

"Hey Mr. Moblin, there's a fire outside!" I shouted as I looked out the window.

"What!? I must go and help! Stay here prisoner!" The moblin shouted and then ran out, causing quite the ruckus.

"… seriously!? That's all I had to do!? Aw whatever." I got onto the table and jumped up onto the bookshelf. I checked the hole, I could fit in there, thank Din I was captured and not Pat, poor kid would not be able to fit in here.

Once I got out I took a look outside my cell. My hoodie was no longer here, the moblin must have took it as a prize for my capture or something, but strangely my bow was out here. I guess the moblin found it and decided to keep it near me, good thing really.

I took it and my quiver and walked out of the room. I looked around, I'm guessing I was on the second floor or something, because there was a floor under me. I looked to my left to see there was a chest.

I opened it and some kind of jingle or tune came out of the chest and it started glowing green. I reached down and when I took out the item, the jingle Pat said before played as well.

"Oh yeah, I forgot that happens all the time." I said as I looked at the item, it was a map.

I looked to see one room on the second floor was glowing, that must be where I am, so where is Pat?

I looked on the first floor portion of the map to see another room was glowing.

"Okay, that must be were Pat is at, I should get going now." I put away the map in my purse, which was holding all the rupees me and Pat found so far.

I started walking. Thankfully there was no moblins or enemies. They must have followed that other moblin I tricked.

I kept walking until I got to the room pat should have been at. All I saw was a sleeping moblin. He was sleeping on a barrel.

"Well what is this? A lazy moblin that is asleep atop a barrel? Well, this is good target practice." I said as I took out my bow.

"Let me out!" I heard Pat shout, I shouted out of surprise.

"Ow for the love of Nayru Joann I still want to use my ears sometime later on in life, now please get me out, it's dark in here!"

"The barrel ate Pat!" I shouted.

"… seriously?"

"Out of my way woman." I felt somebody put their hand on me. I looked to see a man, who kind of looked like Pat (blond hair, tall, etc etc) walk in front of me.

There was another man with him, he was strangely gold and had a golden sword much similar to the Bokoblin's.

"BARRELS!" He shouted as loud as he could and kicked the barrel, it broke.

"Hey! How dare you break my barrel!" The moblin shouted.

The man started to scream, man he screamed worse than I do. "Come on Pewdie run!" The golden man grabbed him and ran off, dragging Pewdie as he screamed.

"Okay Stephano!" The moblin chased after them.

"… well uh, that was, centrally interesting… Pat are you okay?" I asked as I walked over to him.

"No, no I am not, this day has been way too strange."

"I hear you, come on we should find your sword, get Aryll, maybe kill that bird, if we can, then get the hell out of here."

"Yes ma'am!" Pat said as he got up.

As we were walking we saw the two guys, Pewdie and Stephano I think, running around, with what I assumed to be the fortresses entire work force chasing them, good thing really, we didn't have to fight anyone.

"Where the hell did those two come from?" Pat asked.

"The great reference maker in the sky that's who." I said.

"Hey! No breaking the fourth wall!" I turned around to see a talking barrel, it then body slammed me. I fell back but then I looked to see Stephano had sliced it in half.

"Are you alright?" He asked as he helped me up.

"That is the last time I break the fourth wall, thanks." I said before me and Pat ran off.

We got to the third floor. It appeared that the search lights that previously spotted me were pointed into the sky.

"What are they doing?" I asked Pat.

"My guess is that they are trying to summon that giant bird again."

"Oh no, it must be trying to eat Aryll!"

"That monster! Well, I guess it is a monster, seeing as it IS a colossal bird."

"But I thought monster meant that the thing was mutated or something."

"So if this thing isn't a monster, then what is it?"

"Just a really big bird."

"Really big birds do not try to eat little girls Joann."

"Well, it's a monster in its morals but not in its body."

"But that thing has to be more than a giant bird."

"No, it isn't a monster unless it has mutated somehow. It's just a giant bird for all we know." Before we could continue our argument we heard a scream.

"Shit, we forgot about Aryll!" Pat shouted and started running.

I joined him, though I stopped when I realized that I wasn't running on ground anymore, there was a big chunk of the ground that was missing.

"Joann watch where you are going you almost fell to your death." Pat said as he was barely able to catch me as I fell.

"Oh really Pat? I thought I was going to rise up into the realm of happy bunnies and cute kittens!" I shouted at him as sarcastically as I could. He pulled me up.

"Try to stay on the small walking space we have, you don't want to actually fall." Pat said.

"Hold my hand." I said, Pat looked at me curiously.

"You know how clumsy I am, I will most likely fall, I need you to catch me if I fall, so holding my hand is something you should do." Pat reached over and held onto my hand.

We continued sidestepping until we finally got to the end of the passage.

"Hey Pat look, it's your sword!" I said.

"Sweet glory days!" He shouted happily, but then a green Bokoblin jumped out of nowhere, this one was different, he had a wooden shield with him.

"Pat go get your sword I'll try to hold back this Bokoblin." I said as I started to fire some arrows at said Bokoblin. It was frustrating that he had a shield that can block my arrows, but he also was making sure Pat couldn't get his sword.

"For the love of Nayru stop using that damn shield you Goblin!" I had to cover my mouth after that. I just said the wrong word.

Basically the word Goblin is like calling any other person an offensive word pertaining to their race.

"What did you just call me?" The Bokoblin asked, walking toward me.

"Uh, nothing I um, I didn't mean." I just had to trip on my own feet right there, didn't I?

I fell back just as the Bokoblin walked up to me.

Before I could react he was chopped in half, releasing all of his disgusting blood all over me. I looked up to see Pat was standing in front of me. He had cut the moblin in half.

"Hey are you okay Joann?" Pat asked as he helped me up.

"You so owe me a new dress dude." I was kind of annoyed, though I know Pat would take my reaction as a thank you.

He chuckled nervously.

"Right, sorry."

"It's alright, you didn't have much of a choice, Din I need a shower now."

"And some make up." Tetra said from the rock.

"Shut up Tetra." I said.

She laughed, but then stopped talking to us, me and Pat had somewhat of an awkward silence afterwards.

"Come on, we need to save Aryll." I said as I opened the door.

We walked in to see there was a long spiraling path leading to the top of this tower we were in. I looked to my right to see there was a cage of some other girls, and Aryll.

"Aryll, Aryll we've come to rescue you!" I shouted as I ran over.

"Joann, what are you covered in?" Aryll looked shocked, and I just realized way walking in covered in blood was a bad thing.

"Oh, uh, these monsters are mean, they, uh, threw some tomato juice at me, and I got soaked."

"That does sound mean." I sighed, thank Din she fell for that.

"Come on we need to get you out of here."

"Joann look out!" I heard Pat shout and before you knew it I felt something grab onto my leg. I looked down to see it was a birds foot/claw, the big bird was back and seemed to want to rumble with me.

Seeing as those aches and pains of the rough landing were still existent, I knew I couldn't fight that well.

I guess I didn't need to worry about it all that much, seeing as the bird started to fly and slammed me into several floor boards and walls as it tried to get a hold of Pat.

"Hang in there Joann I'll save you!" Pat shouted as he continued to try and find a way to fight this bird.

"I really don't have a choice about hanging now do I!?" I shouted as I tried to keep my dress from working with gravity.

Though I my underwear was clean and all, I really didn't want to go parading it around.

I finally was spared from this entire wall hitting process, but I was worried about this, the bird must have caught Pat as well. With that the bird started to fly away from the tower, Aryll screaming our names in bloody murder as we were being dragged off.

The bird finally stopped when we were in front of some weird looking guy with a crazy bright red hairdo, then I gasped, I realized who this man was.

"Ganondorf? Whoa you look, uh."

"Scary? Terrifying!? BOTH!?"

"No, I was about to way you look way uglier in person." I'm guessing I just pissed him off, but from my angle it looks like he is smiling, damn, I have to remember that I'm upside down.

"Release them at once." I'm guessing he was talking to the bird, thank you Ganon, all my blood is definitely in my head by now.

But instead of the bird letting me down, it flung me and I went flying.

I continued to fly in the air for a bit, damn that bird can throw! I'm just trying not to lose any of my belongings.

Eventually I hit the water with enough force that the water felt like the ground. I passed out shortly after I landed on a shore and I can assume Pat did as well.


	5. The King of Red Lions

Disclaimer- I do not own Link, or anything in relation to the Legend of Zelda, or any references made, I only own my OC's and jokes I make

Summary- What happens when you put two best friends, one sword crazy and the other with massive ADHD, and put them in the wind waker game? Probably nothing good…

A/N- I'm no to sure if this story will closely follow the wind waker, or somewhat loosely follow it yet. If you want this story in one direction (Booooooo! ... Sorry) more then the other please tell me in the reviews!

* * *

Chapter 4- The King of Red Lions

**Joann's POV**

When I woke up I looked to see I was in some kind of red boat. What was I doing in a boat? I mean I was falling very fast so even if I did land on this small red boat I probably would have broken it, if not make a huge dent in it.

Something else was kind of off, this floor was uneven, and felt funny.

"Hey Joann, could you please get off of me?" I looked down to see I was on top of Pat.

I shouted in surprise and got off of him.

"Thanks." He said.

"Sorry, did you land in this boat as well?" I asked.

"We are in a boat? I saw you land on the edge of some island, I landed a little bit farther way then you did, I landed in the seashore."

"Then how did we get in this boat?"

"No idea, but are you okay? Did you break anything?"

"My arm hurts." I said, I felt sore all over, thanks to how many times I was tossed around, but I only wanted Pat to think it wasn't as serious as it really was.

He examined me, though he was a swordsman I have to hand it to him, he could make a good medic as well.

"Are you sure it's just your arm? I mean the rest of you that I looked at looks just as bruised as your arm." I sighed.

"No, my whole body kills, it should be fine though."

"No, we should get you to an inn or something for you to rest in."

"That sounds good, I need a shower and a nap anyways."

"And seeing as we now have a boat when you are finished we can, set SAIL."

I had to facepalm, but then we heard a roar of laughter. I looked to see the ship was actually laughing. I was right behind its head.

I screamed and scrambled behind Pat.

"That pun has hilarious." The boat said, it then turned its head around to see us, I'm guessing he noticed that I was cowering behind Pat, who had his sword out and pointed at it, because it laughed again.

"Right, I forgot how surprising it must be for people to hear a boat talking. Hello, my name is the king of red lions."

"More like the king of red talking creepiness, holy Din I must have hit my head harder than I thought. This boat is talking! I must be hearing and seeing things."

"No my dear, you are not seeing nor hearing things, I am really a talking boat."

"Oh wow and it responds to me! This is the best hallucination I ever had!"

"Joann that is not what a hallucination is. Either way you are not seeing things, because I also see this boat talking."

"You to? Oh, well what do you need talking boat?"

"I brought you two to the Windfall Island to hide from Ganon, I can see you two already knew who he was. We need to stop him, you two are the chosen two who will, we need to leave for Dragon Roost Island as soon as we can! Actually, I am getting ahead of myself." The King of Red Lions looked down.

"This is embarrassing, even though I am indeed a talking boat, I lack a sail."

"Oh, that shouldn't be too much of a problem we could try and find one in the town." I said.

"I would appreciate it, brave young warriors." Pat got out of the boat and helped me up, it hurt to walk so Pat helped me walk.

"Wait we trust this boat?" Pat asked.

"Yes we do trust this boat."

"Why I mean, why?"

"Well one it saved our lives. Two the quicker we get back to that fortress and kill that damn bird the better."

"Done and done!"

We walked into the town and looked around for a bit. There thankfully was an inn on the outskirts of the town.

"Come on, you should rest." Pat said.

"Hold on, I wanna see what else is in this town."

"You really should rest though."

"But I wanna see what else is here."

"Okay fine, a quick look wouldn't hurt anyone." We continued to walk around until we got to around the middle of the town, then these four little kids ran up to us and started to walk around us, making it very difficult to walk by them.

Pat tried to guide me past them, but they were persistent on following us.

"Is there something you kids need from us or something?" I asked, I should have just rested in the inn these kids were annoying me.

"You two look like a bunch of goody two shoes, we, the Killer Bees are not we don't go to school like we are supposed to. I bet you two do you lovely couple." The kid wearing blue said at us. Wow these kids were smart asses.

Pat looked at me and gave me a look, which basically was him telling me to not attack them I did to Gonzo. i wouldn't be able to anyways without my whole body responding in pain anyways. I sighed out of frustration.

"You kids think you are so cool skipping school am I right?" I asked.

"Well yeah, we Killer Bees are the coolest of the cool. We don't go to school or listen to nobody." I was thinking about something I could say to get them to either go back to their school, or at least off of our backs.

"Well it's not to cool when you do it for too long."

"What do you mean? We've been doing it for a month and it still is good fun." I gasped.

"What was it something I said?" The kid asked.

"Oh my, sweet Farore how did you survive that long?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, haven't you ever heard of the No-Study Kraken?" The kids looked scared.

"What do you mean the No-Study Kraken?"

"Legends tell of a horrible squid like monster that likes in the sea right around the outside of this island, it would look for kids or other people who thought they were to cool for school or their work, then late at night when no one is looking the No-Study Kraken shows up out on the coast, and then takes those people. Many people have forgotten about it, but some like me still remember the fallen, and warn people like yourselves about the dangers about skipping school." The kids looked horrified.

"Oh wow we never knew! We will never skip school we promise!" The kids then ran into what I am guessing is their school.

"Is that really a myth?" Pat asked.

"Of course not Pat don't be stupid."

"Alright, we have seen everything in this town. We should get you back to the inn now."

"Yeah I agree." We walked back to the inn and got a room for a night.

"Alright, I'll go find our boat a sail, you should get some rest."

"Are you kidding me I'm taking a shower, also here." I gave Pat all the rupees from my purse.

"Go out and buy me a new dress, you owe me one anyways."

"Okay then, I'll see you later." Pat said as he closed the door. I walked into the bathroom and noticed that there was no shower, just a bath. I realized that our small island town houses were far more advanced then out here in windfall, so I prepared a bath instead.

Once I got my dress and undergarments off I stepped into the bath, it was nice and warm, best part was that it wasn't salt water.

All the while I was thinking about recent events.

This was probably one of the craziest birthdays ever. I mean don't get me wrong I'm not selfish I felt bad for Aryll, I couldn't imagine what that bird could be doing to her and those other girls.

Then there was Tetra and the others, I wonder where they are now. They must have seen me and Pat get our asses thrown away from the fortress. My guess is that they said screw it and sailed off not thinking twice about those girls, but that's only the assumption seeing as they are pirates.

Nothing threw me more off guard then seeing Ganondorf in that fortress though, I knew we would find him eventually seeing as he is the main villain and all (spoiler alert much?) But I didn't expect to see him that damn early. Even then I wonder why he wanted to see me and Pat, only to throw us away to that island we landed on/near.

On the subject of enemies that bird was confusing me. I know Pat he would have attacked at least one before the bird grabbed him, but the bird didn't even get injured, how could that happen?

In retrospect I remember seeing the bird wearing a crown of some sorts, maybe Ganon did something to that mask to make it virtually invincible?

Maybe, but either way that boat we meet, the King of Red whatevers told us he needed a sail, then we are going off to the Dragon Roost Island. I have to wonder, who is that boat? Was it sent to help us with the bird problem? But most importantly, what the fuck is a red lion? I've only seen non-red lions personally, are they just a different color or a whole different breed of lion?

I continued to think about this until the bathroom door open, Pat barged in.

"Pat!" I shouted as I covered myself.

"Oh shit, I forgot you were taking a bath, I thought you were asleep. Sorry I just wanted to tell you I bought you that new dress." Pat put down the dress next to the sink, then walked out of the room and closed the door.

"So, uh, did you buy the sail?" I asked, man that was awkward.

"Yeah, we will be able to leave town by tomorrow, I'm going to go back out in a bit, I found out there was a bomb shop and we might need those, I also am going to look for some restaurants, so we can find out where we are going to eat at later."

"Sounds good, did you talk to the King yet?"

"The what?"

"You know, the King of Red Lions?"

"… the what?" I sighed.

"The boat the talking boat we woke up in."

"Oh right, no I was planning on talking to him when you and I are ready to leave."

"Okay, you should also talk to that teacher in the school to see if the Killer Bees truly went back to school."

"Right, okay is there anything else I need to do?"

"No I think that's all really, now go and complete the tasks we set out for you."

"Ma'am yes ma'am!" Pat then ran off. "The least he could have done was knock first. Who wouldn't knock on the door before entering the bathroom?" I asked myself as I got out of the bath and dried off. I closed the front door (which Pat forgot to close) and then washed my undergarments and my bloody dress.

I also looked at my new one, it was kind of short, I mean my light blue one was at knee length, but this one was even shorter, length was near my upper thighs I think. Anyways with further inspection I realized it was a short styled Komodo dress, this one was blue with golden vine like designs spreading around the dress in a elegant fashion.

I washed this one as well then laid them out to dry and then I checked out the rest of the room. There was a kitchen and living room put into one, then the bath room and one bedroom. We must have had only enough rupees for a smaller room. No matter, any room would due at the moment. I hopped into the bed and under the covers. I was asleep almost right after.


	6. Windfall island

Disclaimer- I do not own Link, or anything in relation to the Legend of Zelda, or any references made, I only own my OC's and jokes I make

Summary- What happens when you put two best friends, one sword crazy and the other with massive ADHD, and put them in the wind waker game? Probably nothing good…

A/N- This chapter contains alcohol use, just saying it as a warning to those who might get offended by use of said jokes

* * *

Chapter 5- Windfall Island

**Joann's POV**

"Hey Joann, wake up." When I woke up I looked to see Pat was sitting next to me.

"Hey," I yawned and rubbed my eyes.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine, thanks for asking. Hey can you close your eyes quickly?"

"Uh, okay?" I got up quickly and put on my new and very warm dress and such then walked back into the room.

"How do I look?" Pat opened his eyes.

"Uh, I don't wanna say."

"Why? Do I look bad or something?"

"No, it's just that I don't want you to slap me like you did on the pirate ship again." I laughed.

"Okay, so did you get the sail?"

"Yeah, a kind merchant sympathized with our problem and gave me one free of charge."

"Oh wow, nice guy, what about the bombs?"

"No, they are WICKED expensive!"

"Seriously?"

"I'm not kidding you, if you are feeling up to it we can walk over there so you can see yourself."

"Yeah, I think I've had enough rest for now, come on let's go!" Of course I still felt sore, but this was better than just laying down all day in my opinion.

Once we got out Pat walked me over to the bomb shop.

"I'm afraid I need to stay out here."

"Why?"

"Well, it's just say my temper got the best of me when I realized the outrageous price."

"Okay then, perhaps I could try and haggle the price a bit?"

"I tried that Joann, this guy sure is stubborn on his prices."

"Yeah, but you must remember, I have one thing that you don't, my secret weapon."

"Joann don't attack him with your bow we don't need you under arrest." I sighed, why is Pat such a derp?

"No Pat, I'm talking about girlish charm, either that or I could just use logic. Anyways I'll be right back."

I walked into the bomb shop to see another patron angrily walk out, cursing about the prices under his breath, I thought I heard something about eight hundred or something.

"Hello, how may I help you?" The store owner sure sounded nice.

"Yeah uh I would like to buy a few bombs please." I said as I walked up to the counter.

"Okay, how much do you want?"

"Um, I guess I could use ten or so."

"Okay that'll be around, five hundred rupees." My jaw must have hit the floor at that moment.

"Excuse me? I'm sorry I must have been hearing things right there, what was the price again?"

"Five hundred rupees." I can see what Pat meant before, that price is ridiculous! I also understand that last guys problem, he must have been charged eight hundred, I'm guessing by the fact that I was giving the price of five hundred, and this guys creepy staring my looks was already working to my advantage. Thank you Pat for choosing the short revealing dress!

"Don't you think that's a bit pricey?"

"No, it seems like a good one for me."

"Who here could even afford that? I doubt anyone."

"No a few can afford this hefty price, so I see this as justified."

"But only said few can afford that price, and to be honest with you mister if I was that rich I wouldn't waste my money on some bombs, bombs are used by adventures not millionaires."

"Well even if so adventurers and explorers tend to find expensive treasures, so they can still afford these bombs."

"Most of those treasures are priceless artifacts, found for the sake of exploration, fun, and solving mysteries. Anything else found would be rupees yes, but not five hundred of them."

"Okay fine how about four hundred?" This man did not understand the problem, clearly.

"Look, you need to lower your prices significantly not just by a hundred, if you lower it only that much still most adventurers cannot buy that."

"Three hundred fifty."

I sighed at looked at my purse, I had only a hundred rupees and I sure as hell wasn't going to use them all on these stupid bombs.

"Look the highest I can go is fifty. I don't have three hundred fifty I can barely afford fifty." The owner frowned.

"Then I'm afraid we cannot do business, good day madam." I shook my head then walked out.

"So, how did it go?"

"I got the price to three hundred fifty but we don't even have that much rupees."

"Wow, from eight hundred to three hundred fifty, Joann how much did you have to seduce him to get that price?" I frowned.

"Shut up I didn't even do that to be honest. I used logic that's all. Come on we should go do something else." I walked off, practically dragging Pat behind me. I walked into a random building to see a depressing looking man behind a counter.

"Hey." I said as I walked up.

"Are you here to play the squid hunting game?" He asked in a bored tone.

"What, uh, sure I guess why not?"

What this guy did next amused the hell out of me.

He picked up some painting with a cut out of his head and he started shouting at me about some squid attack, I was apparently a captain.

"Okay, zo now attack zee gird, zhere is three squids, zee big one, zee medium one, und zee small one! Zee big one covers four squares, zee medium one covers three squares, und zee small one covers two squares."

"I do what?" He accent distracted me.

"Joann just say where you want to fire, I'll fire the square for you." I looked at the squares to see the rows were labeled by letters, and the columns were labeled by numbers. This reminded me of a certain board game, though I forget what it was called now.

"Um, E5?"

"Okay then, fire in the hole!" Pat pulled a rope that was inserted into the backend of a cannon, a ball came out and hit the square, a yellow x showed up.

"Sploooosh."

That guy was funny. I have to admit his job must suck, though he is very amusing.

"Okay, how about A8?"

"Firing on your target." Pat fired another ball this time a red squid showed up.

"KABOOM!" I shouted out of surprise, I honestly was not expecting him to yell all of a sudden, he seemed to be the quiet type.

I looked to see both him and Pat covering their ears. I seemed to forget how loud I can get when I scream.

Eventually after around five games me and Pat finally managed to take out all three ships. This guy then pulled out some second painting kind of like the first one except this time he was supposed to be a girl, I lost it and laughed, this guy was just too damn funny.

When I calmed down I looked to see Pat looked kind of annoyed at me.

"What?"

"Don't you think that was a bit rude?" I frowned.

"Right, sorry." I have to be curious about Pat's reaction, normally he would just tell me if it bothered him that much, but he never would be annoyed with me.

"Well either way we got this now." Pat showed me this little heart shaped container.

"What's this?"

"It makes it so we can take more hits and stay standing. We need to find three more for it to take effect though."

"So it was pointless finding this thing?"

"Not quite."

"But right now it is seeing as we only have one and we need four, right?"

"I guess so." We walked out of the building, it was night time now.

"I'm hungry, Pat did you find any place that's worth eating at?"

"Well, I found a number of places that served food, but I didn't exactly look to see if they were good or not."

"Well then let's find out now." Pat guided me to the first one. He opened the door and I realized this was a bad restaurant. It was a fancy one yes but we could not afford this kind of place, and most of the patrons here appeared to be the kind of asshole who has their head up their… well.

Anyways I tugged on Pat's sleeve, he looked at me curiously.

"I don't want to eat here."

"Oh, alright there are several other places we can checkout. Follow me."

I'm glad Pat didn't ask why I didn't want to eat there. I was not staying there to hear five hundred stories about all each and every single person's tiny little chiwawas or poodles winning some stupid dog contest. But of course if I said that out loud then I would have had the whole place on my ass about my opinion.

On a similar topic why is it that only rich people, or snotty people really, have chiwawas? Why would they want a chiwawa anyways? I personally would want a German Sheppard. They are kind, reliable, and would kill anyone who tried to hurt me.

Anyways Pat gilded me to another place. This place was nice to, not as nice as the last place but thank Din I wouldn't have to face a rich person with their poodle.

I checked out the menus, but everything was overpriced. I guess this is how they got their nice décor.

I tugged on Pat's sleeve again then we walked to a different restaurant.

Man is everything over one hundred rupees around here?

We went to a few, but from what I could spot out they were not good places, one place guaranteed fresh fish, but after noticing one man's meal I could see that the fish was a little frozen. Just for a point of reference I have the eyes of an eagle.

Anyways we went to everyone but in the end either me or Pat found something wrong with the place.

"Okay for Nayru's sake this place better be okay with the both of us." Pat said as we finally walked up to a place called a Tavern.

I looked curiously over to Pat, who looked as confused as I felt. I never seen or heard of a tavern before.

"Well, let's go I'm starving." I opened the door to see that it looked like of like a bar, the description some merchant gave me before looks pretty much like this place did.

"Hm, so is this what a tavern is like?" I asked.

"I guess so, you wanna eat here?"

"I guess, seeing as every other place was a no go."

We walked in and took a seat at some kind of table. We sat on one side and some other people where making stuff on the other side.

"Hey there, what would you like?" This guy asked as he walked up to me from the other side of the table.

"I don't know, what do you have?"

"Here." He handed me a menu of food and drinks they had.

"What's the captain's brew?"

"Oh, that's ones a strong one, you want one?" This guy walked up to me.

"Uh, well I-"

"Sold, one Captain's Brew to the pretty girl in blue!" The guy gave the waiter (I'm guessing he was a waiter anyways) some rupees then the waiter went off and started to make some kind of drink. I looked over to Pat.

"Well, what do you want to eat?" He asked.

"Uh, well I think the cooked fish sounds good."

"I was thinking you would want that."

"Here you are miss, your Captain's Brew." The waiter guy gave me the drink and then wanted to take our orders. I was too busy trying to find out what was in this drink. It was red and yellow but it must have been mixed, it looked like if I spun the glass it might hypnotize me.

When I finally looked up the guy was gone. Pat must have taken my order for me.

"So, what is this Dragon Roost island anyways?" I asked Pat as I took a sip of the drink that man ordered for me. It was a strange drink I'll give it that. I liked the taste, it was warming as well, by that I mean when I drank it I felt like a hot flash go over me.

"It's the place that our mail man comes from. Though I never really looked into it all that much."

"That's interesting, I wonder why we need to go there."

"Well the King of Red Lion's told us that we had to."

"No shit, but I wonder why we have to go there and not back to the Forsaken Fortress."

"Maybe something is there, like a weapon or something that we need before going back?"

"I'll guess so, well either way we should do that tomorrow. Do you think Aryll is okay?" I finished my drink, but then another guy bought me another. I wasn't going to protest. I got free drinks anyways.

"I wouldn't want to make promises on this but I personally think she's fine."

"How so?"

"Well I have a suspicion that Ganondorf is using her as bait for us."

"A damned good one at that to."

"Hey Joann are you okay? Your face is kind of pink."

"I dunno, I'm fine I reckon. Though my face is kind of warm, well, I'm warm."

"You reckon? What are you going southern on me?" I laughed.

"I guess I am huh?" The waiter guy came over and gave us our meals, mine was good. I finished the second drink but I felt kind of funny. I'm not sure exactly how to explain it either. I noticed Pat was looking as me curiously.

**Pat's POV**

"What Pat, do I have something on my face?"

"No, other than pinkish red."

"Your pinkish red!"

"What?"

"You heard me bitch, pinkish red!" Joann started to giggle a little. I was confused. The waiter walked by and I stopped him.

"Is there something you need?"

"What kind of drink was the Captain's Brew exactly?"

"It was a margarita, why?" I looked over to Joann, who was staring blankly at me, she wasn't even blinking.

"Oh, alright then." I still had no idea what that meant, we didn't have those back home.

"What?" She asked.

"It's nothing, really it isn't. You full?"

"No I only ate like half the fish." I looked to see she had eaten the whole fish.

"You ate the whole fish Joann, not half."

"I ate half I know my maths man!"

"Your maths?"

"Yes, my maths, as in two plus two is five." I wasn't sure if Joann was trying to pull my leg or not, but I think it's about the time I get her back to the hotel. I paid the waiter guy then walked to the door.

I heard someone shout and I turned around.

Joann had stumbled right into some guy while he was throwing a dart at a dart board.

"You messed up my shot you broad!"

"You hit the wall." Joann started to laugh. She strangely also had the hiccups.

"Yes, because you walked into me!"

"Maybe, just maybe, you where the one who walked into me." Joann was definitely acting weird, she would normally apologize, then again she normally wouldn't walk into some random guy to start off with.

"What are you even saying? Are you drunk?"

"I can't possibly be 'drunk' good sir."

"What makes you think that?"

"I don't even know what that is!" I walked in the middle of them.

"Come on Joann, let's go back okay?"

"Hold on Pat, I have a few things to say to this guy." Joann pushed me out of the way and walked up to the guy, looking him square in the neck, as in this guy was taller than she was.

"Are you starting something?" The guy asked, I put my hand on my swords handle, just in case if I need to get Joann out of this situation.

"I'm not starting anything, in fact. I'm ending it." She picked up a dart and showed it to the guy, I thought she was going to shove it up his nose, it was that close to the guy.

"You couldn't throw this, but I bet you I can." Joann then took the dart and threw it. She hit the bulls eye, I'm not surprised.

"You see, it was easy. You just suck, you prick." At this the guy was about to strike out at Joann, but I ran forward and took out my sword. The guy stopped and I held my ground.

"You will not even lay a finger on her, you understand?" I asked. Once he nodded his head I grabbed Joann's arm then had to almost literally drag her out of the tavern.

Whatever a margarita is I think it's having a very negative effect on Joann. She was stumbling next to me and whenever she was talking about something completely random she would talk in a slight slur, she normally has no slur when she talks. She also keeps mixing up words.

The down sides to growing up in a tiny island is that street knowledge, or really a decent amount of knowledge, is very scarce. That being said I have no idea what's wrong with Joann.

Eventually I got her back to the inn.

"Hey Pat, listen." Joann said as we walked down a hallway.

"What?"

"This hallway is all twisted!"

"… What are you now, Navi?"

"What? No the hallway really is twisted, you don't notice it?" I paused right in front of our door.

"No, not at all." I opened the door and went into the bathroom.

Once I was done getting ready for the night I walked out to see Joann was laying in the bed. I walked over to hear she was snoring slightly.

I laughed a little and shook my head.

I sat down on the bed and turned off the lamp next to the bed, quickly falling asleep as I laid down on the bed.


End file.
